At the Salon (revised)

At the Salon

I think the Serpent was a hairdresser

at the Eden Tree Salon

where Eve went one time

to get some styling done.

Whilst he was rewiring her roots

he gossipped about the fruits

hanging juicy and ripe

outside on the tree.

Moreover the day was probably hot

and Eve forgot

to pack a lunch-box that morning.

Sitting on a stone chair

without underwear

(this was before she wore clothes, you see)

the day wore on

and Eve was yawning

by the time he'd finished her hair.

The fruit was hanging there,

the temptation was great,

so she altered her fate:

instead of singing Hosanna

she chose the banana.

(You didn't really think it was an apple,

did you?)

From there all Heaven broke loose;

our modern world began:

clothes, work and babies' nappies—

and following women around

shopping malls too.

But hey,

I think it's a shame

that Eve gets all the blame:

yes, the memory lingers

and men keep pointing fingers

but maybe it was just a really bad hair day.

Flag Day 2010

Today is Flag Day but since this year it falls on a sunday, tomorrow is the public holiday. I don't know if flag days, or even national flags, are good things-- do they encourage tribalism and division, racism and xenophobia? What about one human race, one global village? Anyway, flag day is always for me the anniversary of meeting a very close friend so I celebrate it. Mind you, today is cloudy and very cold here so I think most people will lie long in bed.

Legendary Pulp Fiction

Richard Matheson, I Am Legend, 1954, published in paperback

Does a book need to be 'literature' to influence the world? Matheson's 1950s pulp novel has already been filmed 3 times and is generally regarded as the touchstone of zombie stories in the same way that Bram Stoker is always invoked whenever the discussion centres on vampires. (Ironically, Matheson apparently considered his novel to be a vampire novel.) Whatever the sub-sub-genre, like Dracula, I Am Legend has captured the popular imagination.

But it's not literature! Maybe not (whatever that means), but it has captured the public imagination.

There's a lot of snobbery in this writing/teaching/publishing/lecturing business. When I was at college, one of my Literature Professors told me that Leslie Charteris (who wrote the hugely popular The Saint novels which then became a successful TV series that launched Roger Moore's career) lived nearby. I asked if Charteris was then coming into college to talk to us. The Professor said that Charteris only wrote "pulp fiction" so no-one would ever invite him. I thought that was a pity then and still think so now. The man could clearly write and write clearly and that in itself is a major achievement. His writing caught the popular imagination. Given a chance, I would rather write one novel that captured the popular imagination than two that were praised by critics as 'literature' but inspired no-one.

Orwell had a phrase for popular pulp (which I believe he acquired from Chesterton): he called them 'good bad novels'. Into this category we can also place one of Africa's greatest, Jagua Nana by Ekwensi. I like, I like, I like.

*Download I Am Legend (pdf): http://www.filestube.com/fef7c0f782ff20b903e9/go.html

Creating EVENTS

Creating EVENTS

When I sit down to write a story, play, or novel, I begin with CHARACTERS. I put my CHARACTER(S) in a setting and watch what happens. For example, I notice that both Keith and Robert met and became friends at school and are now businessmen but no longer friends. This is because Robert's business is successful but Keith's isn't. Keith is resentful and jealous of Robert's success. There are three possible THEMES here: friendship, business success, and jealousy.

Together, the CHARACTERS and THEMES give me a list of EVENTS: for example,

1. Keith spreads rumours that Robert uses underhand business methods

2. Robert hears what Keith is doing and refuses to speak to him, ending their friendship

3. Keith and Robert both played in their high school football team

4. At school Keith was keen on Wendy Pirbright but she dated Robert instead

5. When Keith's business is on the point of being declared bankrupt Robert offers to help Keith out

6. At Robert's wedding to Wendy, Keith meets Wendy's attractive younger sister

and so on. These are EVENTS, and therefore a writing plan, but they aren't yet a story because they have to be shaped--put into a sequence; this is what we call PLOT. For instance, you might decide that the story should begin with Keith and Robert still friends at high school, or you might decide to begin with Keith losing Wendy to Robert or with Keith spreading rumours or... Whatever you choose, it means ordering the EVENTS. The order is the PLOT and when the EVENTS have been written in their desired order you have a story.

How To Write A Novel

How to write a novel

I'm currently working on my 14th book, and I'm regularly asked for advice and help on how to write so I thought I'd set this down. This is what works for me, how I do it:

1. Write the OUTLINE of your story--a summary that includes at least one problem/conflict to be solved/resolved and at least one theme.

2. Detail your SETTING--this is the where and when your story happens.

3. Detail your CHARACTER(S)--this is who drives the story; you should also decide who is telling the story: is it the main character, another character or someone outside the story?

4. List your EVENTS--these are the moments of the story, e.g., Robert hits Keith, Thuli gossips about Futhi etc.

5. Plot your EVENTS--that is, decide in which order you will show the events to your readers; this is the shape of the story.

6. Decide on your main THEME(S)--this will determine the slant/bias/perspective you use in your revealing of the events.

7. Begin WRITING.

8. Keep WRITING--set a manageable target for yourself: 3 pages, one page, one paragraph to be written every day until the story is finished.

9. EDIT/REWRITE until you're happy with what you've got.

10. CIRCULATE copies of your story to a few readers and ask them to give you feedback.

11. Write the OUTLINE of a new story.

10.

Dangerous Women

I grew up on the songs of the Eagles; they were the band that got me through college and still brighten my days. I actually met them once, when they were in London recording 'Desperado', their second album. This was around the time they played a gig in London's Royal Festival Hall, a small venue.

I love the harmonies and the guitars but what made the Eagles big were of course the songs--and they're not typical love songs; they're mostly songs about love that has been lost and women that can burn you even as they make your life meaningful. The women are there right from the first Eagles song any of us ever heard: Take It Easy.

I teach a lesson on the lyrics to two of these dangerous women songs: One Of These Nights and Hotel California: 'the full moon is calling/ the fever is high/ the wicked wind whispers and moans... dreams/ screams...been searching for the daughter of the Devil himself/ I've been searching for an Angel in white/ I've been waiting for a woman who's a little of both/ and I can feel her but she's nowhere in sight'. Wow! Always wow! The alliteration, imagery, symbolism and the always human pull of the dark side. This was the band's most creative period and the time of their international breakthrough to stadium superstardom. Well-crafted songs: lasting works of art; stories of dangerous women.

Great, but forgotten writers:1:Frank Yerby

Frank Yerby was a great writer according to any criteria you might choose: he was the first black author to have a novel published and then filmed by Hollywood; he published 33 novels in his career as a novelist; and he sold around 75 million books.

75 million is a lot of books: proof indeed that Yerby had a lot of readers.

Yet his name is not known these days--most of his novels can be picked up quite cheaply in second-hand shops or at fete stalls and the like. Why is this? Probably because Yerby wrote to entertain his readers, not to please critics: his books are not the kind that get prescribed as 'literature'. But they make wonderful reading. The characters are strong and leap from the page: villains are truly nasty (and usually powerful and rich) and heroes are those with good hearts and honest values who stand up against the villains and win through in the end. I discovered Yerby's novels whilst still a teenager and the feeling of joy that I got from reading them has never left me.

The One I Missed

Einstein wrote that the best musical audience is one that can appreciate Mozart's Piano Concerti, implying of course that Mozart's Piano Concerti comprise the best music there is. When I was a student I was fortunate enough to buy a box set of the complete concerti (in an Oxfam or other charity shop): I think it was Anda's cycle.

Since then I've lived with these works and heard them performed by most of the great pianists--Ashkenazy, Brendel, Bilson, et al. All of them--from the Jeunehomme onwards--are great works, though my favourites are K466 onwards.

Imagine then my disappointment that I missed the greatest concert of all time! It was of K466, the Dminor, in December 1794: the soloist was a certain Ludwig Van Beethoven. No matter that I wasn't yet born--I'm still disappointed that I missed it.

Silent witnesses

What a way to start a day! I'm sitting in the dining room eating breakfast; my housekeeper is watching the world go past our house. This is what we do every morning. Then, Hawu! she suddenly exclaims. I look left through a window and see a Toyota 4x4 come through my fence, flip upside down, and start rolling rapidly towards my house. By now, the housekeeper is screaming; I'm rooted to my chair, watching the vehicle rolling, my adrenalin racing.
There are people inside the vehicle.
I watch the Toyota turn a few more times then come to a dead stop before a tree stump, ten metres in front of my house.
Miraculously the people survived.
Very quickly there's a crowd by my yard. Then an ambulance arrives; a man from the newspaper arrives; and finally a policeman arrives. The policeman explains that this accident had caused another one a little further down the hill.
Half-an-hour later the people from the car are on their way to the hospital, the crowd has gone, the police and newspaper men are gone; only the broken fence and battered vehicle remain as silent witnesses to the morning's drama.

New Ubuntu Look:

after years of mud (read 'brown' look), the next Ubuntu rollout-- Lucid --
will have a new look. The DarkTheme, which is similar to the one I use now (on Mint), and the LightTheme, which reminds me of my Macbooks:

It might have been a Wednesday

It might have been a Wednesday

There was a loose button on your blouse and you, bra-less, beneath it. You didn't know, but that loose button unbuttoned my soul, led me through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and brought me, cup overflowing, into the Red House of Everlasting Life. Yes, I know it sounds dramatic; but sometimes it's the little things that make your day.